Top 5 Strange Stats in Pokemon and Some Fun Matchups for Comparison
“Please, please don’t hurt me,” pleaded the god of all Pokémon, as it lay pinned to the beach by a giant claw.
“Why won’t you leave us alone?!” cried the Lati-Twins, literal jet planes, as they were lapped once more, the whiskers of their enemy twitching in joy.
“I’m… I’m not strong enough,” sighed Onix, the giant rock snake, as he struggled to open a pickle jar.
“Don’t worry,” said the baby penguin, opening the lid with ease, “I’ve got this.”
Have you ever looked at the stats in Pokémon? I mean really looked at them? Now, I know I shouldn’t be judging a series where a 10-year-old can catch the literal embodiment of time, dress it up, and force it to dance in order to win a ribbon, but some of those stats are odd. Like truly odd.
And they only get weirder when you compare them to other Pokémon. To decide how odd the stat pairings are, I’ve looked at the Pokédex entries, weight, height, type, classification, general trivia, and, of course, the stats themselves. And, yes, I know that Pokédex entries should be taken with a pinch of salt, or Macargo would be hotter than the sun.
But, regardless, here we go!
Onix vs Piplup – Attack Stats:
In the red corner…
The Rock Snake Pokémon.
Type: Rock/Ground.
Height: 8.8m/28’10”.
Weight: 210kg/463lbs.
Pokédex: ‘This chain of immense stones resembles a giant serpent. Tremors shake the earth above it as it burrows deep beneath the ground, feeding on boulders as it goes’.
Attack: 45.
In the blue corner…
The Penguin Pokémon.
Type: Water.
Height: 0.4m/1’04.
Weight: 5.2kg/11.5lbs.
Pokédex: ‘Prefers cold climes and appears along coasts. It’s an adorable little thing – as cute as any child – but it’s also prideful, unwilling to accept handouts from people’.
Attack: 51.
This was the first pairing that made me realise how strange Pokémon stats can be, when I saw a post on the internet pointing out the differences between Onix and Piplup’s attack stats. Now, I suppose we could the put the difference down to Piplup’s pride making it put up a greater fight than Onix…
No, wait, a 5.2kg penguin should not have more physical attack than a 210kg pile of boulders. “But,” I hear you cry, “Piplup has a sharp beak!”
Okay, okay, I’m only kidding. The actual reason for the difference is that Piplup is a starter Pokémon, and Onix is meant to be one of the early game’s first challenges, and so can’t be expected to put up too much of a fight.
A quick side note, Piplup’s main attack stat is its special attack (at 61), which makes it even more of an insult that it’s got a higher physical attack than Onix, who is definitely a primary physical attacker.
Winner: Piplup (great, an ego boost is just what it needs).
Yveltal vs Polteageist – Special Attack Stats:
In the red corner…
The Destruction Pokémon.
Type: Dark/Flying.
Height: 19’/5.8m.
Weight: 447.5lbs/203kg.
Pokédex: ‘When this legendary Pokémon’s wings and tail feathers spread wide and glow red, it absorbs the life force of living creatures’.
Special attack: 131.
In the blue corner…
The Black Tea Pokémon.
Type: Ghost.
Height: 0’08”/0.2m.
Weight: 0.9lbs/0.4kg.
Pokédex: ‘When angered, it launches tea from its body at the offender’s mouth. The tea causes strong chills if swallowed’.
Special Attack: 134.
I know it’s only a difference of three points, but I feel that the Destruction Pokémon should have more special attack than a sentient cup of tea. And those who know me, know that I’ll defend tea to my dying breath.
But regardless of my opinions on the second-most-sold beverage in the world, a wyvern would definitely have a better chance of killing me than a tea pot.
It’s true that Yveltal also has 131 attack, compared to Polteageist’s much lower 65, but this pro is quickly undercut by the fact that Oblivion Wing is Yveltal’s signature move, which is a special attack move. Yveltal does have some physical builds, but it’s primarily a special attacker, according to Smogon.
The main thing that the Y-shaped Pokémon has in its corner is that Ghost types are much more likely to have high special attack than Dark types. In fact, ten of the top 50 Pokémon (including forms) special attackers are Ghost types, compared with two Dark types and four Flying types.
However, before the physical/special split, Ghost type moves were physical and Dark were special, so really the true loser is logic.
Winner: Polteageist.
Purugly vs The Lati Twins – Speed Stats:
In the blueish corner…
The Tiger Cat Pokémon.
Type: Normal.
Height: 3’03”/1m.
Weight: 96.6lbs/43.8kg.
Pokédex: ‘It’s a brazen brute that barges its way into another Pokémon’s nest and claims it as its own.’
Bonus: ‘Despite appearing very sluggish, Purugly will not be reluctant to attack if angered and can be quite fast’.
Speed: 112.
In the red corner…
The Eon Pokémon.
Type: Dragon/Psychic.
Height: 4’07”/1.4m.
Weight: 88.2lbs/40kg.
Pokédex: ‘They make a small herd of only several members. They rarely make contact with people or other Pokémon. They disappear if they sense enemies’
Bonus – ‘Latias appears to be a cross between a jet plane and a dragon’
And…
In the other blue corner…
The Eon Pokémon.
Type: Dragon/Psychic.
Height: 6’07”/2m.
Weight: 132.3lbs/60kg.
Pokédex: ‘Latios will only open its heart to a Trainer with a compassionate spirit. This Pokémon can fly faster than a jet plane by folding its forelegs to minimize air resistance’.
Bonus – ‘By folding their arms in, they become super aerodynamic and can fly fast than fighter jets’
Speed: 110.
Mega Evolved Speed: 110.
This is just too far. To repeat what the Pokédex says: the Lati-Twins are ‘faster than fighter jets’. Purugly is a cat. The Lati Twins are faster than fighter jets. Purugly is a cat. I can’t believe this.
The only bit of information I can discover about why Purugly is so quick is on Bulbapedia’s biology description, which states that the cat is ‘quite fast’ despite ‘appearing sluggish’, but I’d hardly call that a massive win.
On another side note, how do the Lati-Twins’ Mega Evolutions not increase their speed? I wish Purugly had a Mega Evolution, just so that it could have over 200 speed and outspeed Regieleki.
Winer: Purugly.
Bastiodon vs Shuckle – Defence/Special Defence Stats:
In the red corner…
The Shield Pokémon.
Type: Rock/Steel.
Height: 4’03”/1.3m.
Weight: 329.6lbs/149.5kg.
Pokédex: ‘Any frontal attack is repulsed. It is a docile Pokémon that feeds on grass and berries.’
Bonus – Abilities: Sturdy – The Pokémon will remain with 1 HP if it was going to be knocked out by a move when at full Hit Points. Soundproof: unaffected by sound moves.
Defence: 168.
Special Defence: 138.
In the red/blue corner…
The Mold Pokémon.
Type: Bug/Rock.
Height: 2’/0.6m.
Weight: 45.2lbs/20.5kg.
Pokédex: ‘The Berries it stores in its vase-like shell decompose and become a gooey liquid.’
Bonus – Abilities: Sturdy – See above.
Bonus 2 – ‘It is encased in a very hard red shell’.
Defence: 230.
Special Defence: 230.
It’s well known that Shuckle has the highest defence and special defence stats out of all Pokémon (besides Eternamax Eternatus which doesn’t count, and Mega Aggron/Mega Steelix which equal Shuckle’s physical defence but not special defence), but what might be less well known is that this is completely unfounded.
I always assumed that as Shuckle looks like a turtle/tortoise (although it might actually be some kind of ‘endolith’, ‘scale insect’ or ‘mollusk’), that its shell was the reason for it’s incredible defence. But the Pokédex states that it’s ‘vase-like!’. Bulbapedia suggests that its shell is ‘very hard’, but the Pokédex trumps the website.
On the contrary, Bastiodon, the Shield Pokémon, is described as being able to repulse any frontal attack. I suppose some of the difference could be explained by the fact that it’s weak when attacked from behind, but, let’s be honest, it’s not enough.
I’ve also included reference to the Pokémon’s abilities, hoping that they could explain the difference, but Bastiodon benefits from being both Soundproof and Sturdy, so that doesn’t help either!
Winner: Shuckle.
Arceus vs Kingler – Attack Stats:
In the red corner…
The Alpha Pokémon.
Type: All.
Height: 10’06”/3.2m.
Weight: 705.5lbs/320kg.
Pokédex: ‘It is described in mythology as the Pokémon that shaped the universe with its 1000 arms.’
Attack: 120.
In the other red (okay, orange) corner…
The Pincer Pokémon.
Type: Water.
Height: 4’03”/1.3m.
Weight: 132.3lbs/60kg.
Pokédex: ‘One claw grew massively and is as hard as steel. It has 10,000-horsepower strength. However, it is too heavy.’
Bonus – Abilities: Hyper Cutter – Opponent cannot lower this Pokémon’s Attack value. Sheer Force – Moves with a secondary effect are increased in power by 30% but lose their secondary effect.
Attack: 130.
This is the one that kickstarted this article. It all started when my university housemate sent a meme to me and my brother, shower Kingler as being stronger than Giratina. Two days, and many repetitions of the word and crab emojis, and we discovered that Krabby (Kingler’s pre-evolution) is also stronger than Mew (the ancestor of all Pokémon). That’s when the Church of the Krab began, and this strange concept for an article was born. It’s also when I confirmed just how cool we all are. That’s ‘cool’ with a ‘K’.
But, to get semi-serious for a moment, I’d like to point out that this suggests that Arceus’ 10,000 arms are all weaker than Kingler’s single claw. Kingler’s abilities would also increase its power even further, so Arceus doesn’t stand a chance in an arm wrestling contest.
So, there you have it, a crab is stronger than the god of all Pokémon. Well, physically.
Also, in a, somehow stranger note, Kingler’s claw would be able to travel 304mph in a quarter-mile, if it was a car. Still slower than a Purugly, mind.
Winner: Kingler.
And that’s all! What do you think about the strange inconsistencies in Pokémon lore and stats? Can you think of any other strange stats in Pokémon? Have I taken this too seriously? Let us know in the comments, and thanks for visiting NintendoLink!
